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By Scott BurgessDetroit Newspapers
June 20, 2007
Dear Audi R8, When I first saw your picture from the Paris auto show, my heart fluttered. What's a beautiful piece of metal like you doing in a city like that, I thought. Then at the Detroit show, I got my first chance to touch your cool aluminum skin; I shivered. Then came the day your owners gave me the keyfob to your heart. One glorious week: Just you and me -- and a couple of pesky passengers who wanted to talk over your delicate rumble whispering in my ear. We became one on the open road. When I drove you, it felt like you were reading my mind, only faster. I love you, R8. So much so, I want to drive you to Las Vegas and marry you. Yes, I do have a wife, who by the way also thought you were stunning, and she's willing to let me indulge in this affair. After all, millions of men have kept their sheet metal mistresses carefully covered in their garage, where they spend countless hours attending to temperamental whims and excesses. You won't even be available until the fall for a few hundred people willing to hand over at least $109,000 for the privilege to keep you in their garages. Of course, they'll pamper you and take care of you, but not the way I would. You steal my pride, R8. I can even forgive your indiscretions, such as riding around with other auto critics. Do you know how many cars they try to juggle at one time? Get it out of your system, and when you finally make that U turn back to me, I'll be waiting. No, it's not too soon to make this declaration. I knew from the moment I first saw you. All of those other cars I've driven and tested, they meant nothing. You had me at vroom. How much do I love you, you ask? Let me count the ways. 1. Power: Your absolute power corrupted me. The 420-horses pounding through your aluminum 4.2-liter V-8 with direct injection created a new me, one I hardly recognized. Freeway entrance ramps became launching pads, as I tried to match the 0-62 mph time of 4.6 seconds. I knew you could reach 125 mph in 14.9 seconds and only the forces of nature could hold you to a top speed of 188 mph. I have no wish to tell anyone the top speed we reached on the smooth open highways near Monroe -- I'm not the kind of guy to rev and tell. 2. Performance: Developed with Lamborghini's expertise on mid-engine sports cars you are the miracle of Neckarsulm, Germany. Your space frame aluminum body is ideal for high performance. But it doesn't stop there. Your svelte body shell weighs in at 462 pounds and your high-tech suspension, dry sump lubrication and all-wheel drive enhance your performance. It's the brains behind your beauty. People who don't understand cars still know you're special with one glance. People who do know cars are even more impressed, especially with numbers like 44:56. That's the front-to-rear weight ratio that helps give you your well-balanced sure-footedness through blistering tight turns. And your double caliber rear brakes let you stop faster than you accelerate but always stay in control. Your Quattro Drive, stability control and carefully tuned suspension help too. They often saved me from myself. As I would whip you around the corner, causing your back end to slide a little too far because you are, literally, more than I should handle, you'd instantly check my aggressiveness, correct my errors and make me feel like Michael Schumacher. You make me a better man and driver. The suspension, with double wishbones in the front and rear, coupled with the magnetic ride that instantly adjusts to the road gives you F1-quick handling -- as well as a stiff, bumpy ride. Combine all of that with the extra-wide 19-inch summer tires and you stick to the road like bubble gum. Lane changing is instantaneous. No roll, no lean, nothing. 3. Beauty: I am not the only person who looks lustily at you. Everyone does. It's like your wax was scented with Axe body spray: BomChicka WahWah! Parked on the street, cruising around Detroit and especially on the highway, people would gawk, their mouths gaping open, their eyes following you. Some would drive up and stick a single thumb out their window approvingly, goofy smiles on their faces. I just smiled, waved and made sure the doors were locked. When we rumbled down Main Street in Royal Oak, people stopped in their tracks to stare. In Birmingham, people gazed with envy. Every now and then, they'd even pull out their cell phones and snap a picture of the ultimate trophy. From the glass candy counter display case of your ferocious engine to the wheel wells pushed so far out that your wheelbase stretches to 104.3 inches -- every exterior element is classic, sophisticated and perfectly placed. You look as fast as you are. But the design also allows you to go faster -- your aerodynamics creates more down force the faster you go. The Germans have finally done it; they've created the master sports coupe. I'm aware that almost every part of you is handmade by Audi craftsmen, who calibrate perfection to the nearest 1/10th of a millimeter -- then recheck every measurement. The aluminum exterior flows seamlessly along a perfectly proportioned profile to create the equivalent of the automotive hourglass figure. The automatic bi-Xenon headlights look like diamonds, and LED tail lights sparkle nearly as much as my eyes when I look at you. Even better are the LED lights under your headlights, giving your face a menacing glare at night that's unmatched by any car. Even your four-joined circles -- Audi's badge -- are different than any other model built by the German-luxury carmaker with a penchant for performance. For the first time, the symbol is mounted on your hood, not the grille. 4. Interior: You are special. But I didn't realize how much you could make me feel unique until I opened your door and sat down. Ach, mein Gott!The optional $5,500 enhanced leather package left me dazed. Leather seats, leather-covered dash, and leather-covered steering wheel with that flat bottom that makes me feel like a jet pilot. The lines of sight are excellent. Except of course, looking behind me -- but your optional rearview camera corrected that glitch. Who worries about what's behind them? It's where we're going that counts. Of course, storage is limited to 3.5-cubic feet under the hood, but you can still carry golf clubs behind the seats. That's enough for me. The controls, outlined in aluminum, and the gritty metal faceplate to your six-speed manual gear shifter mixes simplicity, elegance and power. A firm clutch and short throws make your transmission smooth and effortless. I can't understand why someone would want to pay $118,000 for a version of you with Audi's six-speed R tronic automatic gearbox. It's nice, but the authority surging through my veins as I gunned the gas, pushed the clutch and click-clicked to the next gear wouldn't be the same. And there's so much room inside. Even with two big passengers, it was never a tight squeeze. Audi bases its idea of room and comfort by shoulder space. And while some sports cars may feel cramped, your cabin was spacious. Even when I let my 6-foot-4 friend sit in the cockpit, he was comfortable and ready to drive. But you know I wouldn't let him. Not him, not anyone. Only me. Scott Burgess is the auto critic for The Detroit News. He can be reached (313) 223-3217 or sburgess@detnews.com.
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