CARS.COM — You work hard, and you look like you could use a little you time. What better way to relax, renew and rejuvenate than to treat yourself to a nice spa day? Well, if you have a BMW 7 Series, you won’t even have to worry about booking an appointment. Just climb into that spacious, accommodating backseat and let all your tension just melt away.
I recently pampered myself with the amenities of the 2017 BMW M760i full-size luxury sedan, and with a little imagination, the Bimmer becomes your own personal Burke Williams. Boasting the optional Cashmere Beige/Black Merino Nappa leather interior ($4,000), the Luxury Rear Seating Package ($1,800), the Rear Executive Lounge Seating Package ($5,750), Ambient Air Package ($350), Panoramic Sky Lounge LED roof ($900) and Bowers & Wilkins stereo system ($3,400), this test car’s MSRP totaled just a shade under $180,000, including a destination charge and gas-guzzler tax.
If you figure a spa day at, say, Chicago’s chichi Peninsula Spa will run you $180, this baby pays for itself after, like … 1,000 sessions. All you’ll need to provide — apart from the average price of a house in the U.S., that is — is your own robe, slippers and cucumber-mint water.
So climb into the backseat, lower the rear sunshades, set the four-zone climate control to your liking and let the outside world disappear behind the sound-damping laminated glass. Here are the treatments offered at the 7 Series spa:
Hot Stone Massage
Courtesy of the Executive Lounge Seating Package, recline — like, a full, first-class-seat recline; none of that coach B.S. — in the already-decadent Nappa leather seats (the front passenger seat collapses forward against the dash to maximize rear legroom), lay your head back on the big, pillowy headrests and put your feet up on the retractable footrest. Now, turn on the heating function — which warms your back, backside and armrests — and activate the massaging seat to one of three intensity settings for the embedded sextet of rotation balls.
Our editors haven’t always given massaging seats the most glowing endorsement, but I found the forceful, rolling pressure at least a desirable alternative to one of those chairs from The Sharper Image. Plus, there’s no masseuse to tip — and no need to worry about that towel slipping off your hips (TMI?).
Did I mention that you can control all of this stuff via tablet remote control? Because having to shimmy between the front seats to do it from the center stack would defeat the purpose. So while you’re working that remote, turn on the stereo, scroll to SiriusXM Radio on your large, seatback-mounted entertainment screen, and put it on the soothing, New Agey sounds of — what else? — the Spa channel.
Seriously, the Spa channel is second in audience specificity only to Yacht Rock — and that super-special demographic is you. Hey girl…
Aromatherapy is the use of fragrant essential oils extracted from herbs, flowers and fruits to enhance physical and psychological wellness. The 7 Series’ Ambient Air Package, when activated, purifies the outside air through ionization and perfumes the cabin with one of eight fragrances (or two in combination) at three selectable intensity levels. The fragrances are grouped into four categories named exactly as you’d hope: Blue Suite for fresh water aromas, Green Suite for fresh plants, Golden Suite for “warm, rich fragrances” and Authentic Suite for “natural fragrances.”
But no matter which fragrance you choose, it all curiously resembles that same sweet, reassuring smell … of money.
Like aromatherapy, light therapy is used to treat medial or psychiatric conditions like seasonal affective disorder through the controlled application of light. When the sun goes down, the 7 Series’ ambiance lighting and Panoramic Sky Lounge LED roof combine for an arguably therapeutic — or at least kinda trippy — effect that adds an immersive element to your backseat spa day. The feature includes light strips along the door panels and on the back of the front seats, as well as a planetariumlike starry-sky view on the panoramic moonroof composed of a purported 15,000 points of light that can be adjusted to any of six different colors.
Every spa has a space for you to hang loose between services, but on your 7 Series spa day, you won’t even have to move. While continuing to lounge in those comfy reclining seats and snacking on some fresh fruit and tea sandwiches, pull your desk out of the Executive Lounge rear console via a retractable arm, open up your laptop and log on to the web using your BMW’s Wi-Fi hot spot to catch up on important emails — OK, to post humblebragging photos of your me-time to Facebook.