Heather Locklear with a beard. Kevin Costner with a bald pate. The ChevyGeo Storm with a hatchback.

None of the above would be a pleasant sight. Luckily, Heather and Kevinare blemish-free, but the Storm hatchback is for real.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone, so thesaying goes. The Storm hatchback is ugly to the rivets.

The formula for making the Storm repulsive was simple. Isuzu, builder and supplier of the car to Chevrolet, added a hatchback to the coupe and Chevyfell for it.

This was what the Japanese did in the `70s before common sense took hold. The Storm hatchback is so ugly you expect the nameplate to read ``Volvo.``

So for `91 the hatchback is new to the Geo lineup. Perhaps Chevy gotcaught up in the fact Storm has been one of its true success stories and hasbeen responsible for people understanding why a Geo logo hangs from some Chevystores.

Better Chevy added a Storm convertible than a hatchback. Officials arguethat Chevy offers a ragtop Geo Metro and is adding a softtop Cavalier thisspring so a convertible Storm would be crowding the market. That`s the kind ofthinking that resulted in Chevy taking three years to win the car sales leadback from Ford.

The Storm hatchback we test drove starts at $11,450. Add $690 for airconditioning, $140 for an AM/FM stereo with cassette and digital clock, and$30 for color-keyed front and rear floor mats. For $12,310 plus $325 infreight, you can drive away with a Storm hatchback and then hide it in thegarage until it at least builds some collector value-in about 400 years.

For about the same money, you can drive away with a Storm coupe andproudly display it in your driveway.