Weekend Athlete: 2008 Mini Cooper Clubman
It’s not.
Sure, yes, I’m certain it wasn’t designed to be one. Yes, Mini makes a roof rack for it to carry my bike — that’s all well and good. But, you see, there’s more to it than that. Minis are an absolute blast to drive, and I’d hoped the stretched version would be juuuust big enough for my stuff. It wasn’t.
The cargo area is teeny. To take four people camping, you’d need to fold the two rear seats down and make two folks walk.
As I like to carry my bike in the car rather than on top, I tried to fit it inside, but it could only make it with both wheels off. I was putting a 58-cm frame in, so if you have a smaller bike maybe — just maybe — it’d fit in there with one wheel on, but I doubt it.
Biking and camping? Technically, yes you can — realistically, no you can’t. There’s too much mashing and mooshing to get everything in there. What’s galling is that the rear seats flop down more easily than on some cars that have bigger cargo areas, but it does you little good because this cargo area is so small.
The split rear doors were cute and not obtrusive. However, I didn’t like that the suicide door was only on one side of the car — that didn’t really help loading. And speaking of loading, that rear roofline was designed to be the perfect height for me to ram my head into it whenever I bent over. I’m not sure how they knew to put it in exactly the wrong place, but, Mini, I salute you. Bravo. Well played, sir. Apologies for the dents my forehead put in your car.
Like I say, I like Minis. They’re fun to drive, they look great and the interiors are among the best. But really, it’s a car you buy to keep from having to haul your friends’ stuff. If, in the past, you’ve been roped into driving your nutty friends to races, and you hate them, buy this car — they’ll never bug you again.
Weekend Athlete Scores (out of 10)
Ease of loading gear — 2: Small; there’s only one suicide door and, yes, the cargo area is too small.
Ease of seat operation — 7: Highest-scoring category for the Mini. Sad, really.
Bike-hauling — 2: Both wheels have to come off, and there’s not room to stand the wheels behind the seats.
Locker-room cred – 1: It’s too nice on the inside to put muddy toys into, and it won’t carry enough stuff.
All-around — 3: It’s almost unfair to put this in the competition, so I apologize. If you want to ping me, go ahead. I’ll just be here watching another editor run around his desk squealing.
