The Detroit News's view

We used to think $69,000 was a lot of money to spend on a BMW 7-series. Likewise, $81,000 for a Mercedes-Benz S-class. That was until we climbed into a Rolls-Royce Silver Seraph, the epitome of luxury cars for decades before its recent purchase by Volkswagen. Now, despite such features as a 322-horsepower BMW V-12 engine, the exclusive $216,400 British sedan merely seems like the epitome of excess.

She: I couldn’t help but think of Sister Digna, my eighth-grade teacher, while we were test-driving the Silver Seraph. She used to say, “the more you have, the more you have to worry about.” Boy, was she right on. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you fuss over a car like the Rolls Royce. Remember what you said on Saturday? “Do you think the Rolls will get vandalized if we use it to go to the movies?” The moral of the story is: Be prepared to be paranoid if you own this car.

He: I was just happy to be test-driving a Rolls for the very first time in my 25 years as an auto writer. I’d visited the factory in Crewe, England, years ago, but I’d never actually driven one of these ultra-luxury cars. Oh, I’d ridden in them before, and been around enough of the cars to be familiar with the brand and with the craftsmanship that has long been associated with the Rolls Royce name.

She: You’re so turned on by that silly hood ornament – The Spirit of Ecstasy. Surely, some guy came up with that name.

He: So why don’t you just call her Shirley? You’re getting off the track. The real question here is, does the new Silver Seraph live up to the Rolls Royce reputation? Based on our brief drive in a brand-new car with only 750 miles on it, I’d have to say no. I think I was more disappointed by all the niggling flaws, rather than any major engineering or design defects. I mean, when you’re spending 200 grand on a car with this sort of cachet, you shouldn’t hear as many squeaks and rattles, nor have to put up with excessive wind noise, nor have to look at less-than-perfect trim fits.

She: But you have to admit that you will feel like the Queen Mum – and the Silver Seraph undoubtedly suits someone who was born in the Edwardian era. The car looks like British royalty. Nothing whimsical or fun. It’s very old-fashioned and boxy looking with a big, imposing grille and a hood that seems to stretch on forever. Inside, it’s all leather and expensive wood, with reclining rear seats and little mirrors built into the rear pillars so you can glimpse yourself as you wave to strangers. I’m actually shocked that rocker Rod Stewart popped for a Rolls, including one with two optional child seats that set him back almost $20,000. You get the picture about the types of people who buy the Silver Seraph – rich and showy. By the way, did you notice Rolls-Royce hosts a school for chauffeurs?

He: I’d just as soon you stay in the back seat, Sabrina. Even with all the improvements that have been made to the powertrain and chassis, this is still a long way away from being a “driver’s car.” More like a locomotive, and I don’t mean that in a complimentary sense. The Silver Seraph weighs more than 5,000 pounds, and all that mass is sometimes difficult to control. You have to begin braking much earlier than usual, and when you make quick maneuvers, like a sudden lane change, the body always seems to lag slightly behind the chassis. I do like the BMW V-12; it’s quick and powerful. The electric shift mechanism on the automatic transmission, however, is a nightmare. It is nearly impossible to put the selector into reverse or drive on the first try.

She: But you really got the big picture on the Silver Seraph this weekend, with the guys in front of the butcher shop.

He: I felt bad for the one in the suit who had to pass by the Rolls to get into his new BMW. He looked at the Silver Seraph, turned to his friend and said, “Well, I DID like my car. Oh, well, let’s get into the junker.”

2000 Rolls Royce Silver Seraph

P>Anita’s rating: acceptable

Paul’s rating: above average

Type: Front-engine, rear- wheel drive, five-passenger luxury sedan.

Price: Base, $216,400; as tested, $216,400 (inc. destination charge).

Engine: 5.4-liter V-12; 322-hp 361 lb-ft torque.

EPA fuel economy: 12 mpg city/16 mpg highway.

Where built: Crewe, England

What we liked: BMW V-12 is quick and powerful. Mere presence leaves bystanders awestruck. How can you argue with heated rear seats that recline? Clubby atmosphere. Makes you feel like the Queen Mum, if that turns you on.

What we disliked: Excessive wind noise at 70 mph. Electrically operated transmission difficult to shift accurately. Some interior trim doesn’t match up. Ridiculously expensive. Rather matronly style. Handles like a locomotive. Confusing array of controls, some of which are poorly lit. Unusual assortment of squeaks and rattles for such an expensive car.