The Sacramento Bee's view

Pity the poor Volvo driver.

Volvo drivers get no respect. They’ve spent years being the punch line of countless yuppie jokes. Lexus lovers and Mercedes devotees tend to look down their noses at Volvo buyers.

Volvos just aren’t cool enough to register on the hip scale of modern American motoring.

Enough already!

What’s wrong with a little no-nonsense luxury in a comparatively plain wrapping? For that matter, what’s wrong with a car so safe that you feel more secure there than locked in the panic room of your home?

What’s wrong with a 2002 Volvo S80 2.9 A SR sedan? … Besides the name being too long, that is.

Well, nothing, that’s what.

Introduced in 1998, the S80 looks smooth and elegant, befitting the automaker’s flagship sedan starting at $38,150. No, it’s not the kind of styling that makes passers-by stop in the middle of the crosswalk and whistle at your wheels. But what do you want for your $38,150 — style or substance?

The S80 has plenty in the substance department. The lengthy standard list not only has the obligatory primo sound system, a plentiful powered amenities package and a luxurious leather/wood interior environment, it also includes such goodies as a power moon roof, a telescoping steering wheel, heated outside mirrors, a dust/pollen filter, front and rear map-reading lights and a Prem-

Air radiator, which helps reduce ground-level ozone during operation.

Elegant and green at the same time. Cool.

How about the safety package, Volvo’s traditional strength? How much time do you have to spend? I don’t have enough space to get it all in, but here are a few of the highlights: high-strength steel passenger safety cage, side-impact air bags front and rear, adaptive-force supplemental air bags, whiplash protection system in front seats, ignition immobilizer safety system, backup battery for alarm system, coded keys, perimeter lighting, stability-control system, traction-control system, energy-absorbing body structures, force-limiting front seat belts and side-mounted directional indicators.

The Volvo S80 has received a five-star crash test rating from U.S. government agencies and a “Best Pick” designation by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety.

I think that about covers it. The safety package is darn near worth the price of admission.

On the performance front, the tested S80 was not a road-burner but absolutely stout with a 2.9-liter in-line six churning out 194 horses. Runs through the gearbox were smooth as silk; handling was similarly silky.

The power curve can be upped significantly with the available 2.9-liter in-line six power plant with twin turbochargers. That raises the horsepower level to a robust 268, but it also puts the starting price of an S80 T6 model at around $43,000. The same brute of an engine comes in the top-of-the-line S80 T6 Executive model, which comes with a DVD player, a 68-channel color television tuner and a 12- volt refrigerator. All that pushes to T6 Executive’s starting price to about $50,000.

Obviously, the S80 appeals to a certain income level … and maturity level. The median S80 buyer is 49 years old. That translates to a middle-age person making good money.

A lot of people fitting that description end up buying a Lexus, an Infiniti or a Mercedes-Benz product, but Volvo saucily brags that its S80 is grand enough to “replace a Mercedes in a millionaire’s driveway and not raise a question about a decline in his or her standard of living.”

That basically shoots the theory that all Swedes are shy and retiring. At the same time, the boast should be a comfort to devoted Volvo buyers.

It probably also helps to have a thick skin to deflect all the barbs thrown by all those Volvo-baiting motorists out there.