True Valet Stories

In an automotive-rich town like Chicago, valet drivers have a seemingly sweet job, getting to drive just about every car made, including exotic cars. OK, maybe it’s just around the block or into a parking garage, but, as immortalized in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” (which debuted 22 years ago today), they still get some seat time in the process. We talked with local valets to find the best and worst rides they’ve parked, both in the city and in the suburbs.

We’ll just say it: There weren’t any joyride stories involving a vintage Ferrari in the style of “Ferris Bueller” — or at least none that these valets wanted to share — but we caught enough of a glimpse of the job to know that, if it were us, we would be sorely tempted to leave the parking lot.

The Good Cars
These valets’ favorite rides included a Porsche Carrera GT, a Maybach, a Ferrari, a Lamborghini and an assortment of Corvettes and Vipers.

Valet Zibi Bednarz said the best car he’s parked at Pete Miller’s restaurant in Evanston, Ill., was “definitely a Maybach.”

“This guy drove it all the way from Florida,”Bednarz said.” It was awesome; it was like a Learjet inside. It was designed more for the passengers than the driver.”

Although it’s not quite as exotic, valet Maciej of Rosebud restaurant in Naperville, Ill., picked the Audi S5 as his favorite. Why not an exotic? He said it’s not fun driving a Viper or Lamborghini: “They are hard cars to drive.”

The Bad Cars
A common problem we heard from multiple valets was smelly cars — really smelly cars. Hold-your-nose cars.

“A lot of cars have shoes, bananas, pizzas, steaks sometimes,” said valet Andres Alarcon, who works at a Chicago restaurant called Bin 36. “It’s a bad smell.”

Bednarz knows that smell well.

“Every once in a while, this guy valets a 1999 Ford Taurus station wagon,” he said. “Everything besides the driver’s seat is filled waist-deep with garbage — newspapers, old fast-food bags, plastic wrappings, Styrofoam cups, all sorts of crap. It smells absolutely atrocious in there. That is the one thing that really bothers me about some cars: People always complain about how dirty it is, but as long as it doesn’t smell, I don’t care. Although, those that do smell never say ‘sorry about the rank B.O. smell in here.’”

The Owners
Not only do valets have to deal with hit-or-miss cars, but as in any service job they also encounter a wide range of clients. You’d think that drivers about to hand over the keys to a $500,000 Porsche would be more concerned about their car than those who drive something more, er, affordable, but according to Maciej, that’s not necessarily the case.

“Lexus drivers and hybrid drivers are the ones that try to teach us how to drive the car” he said. “Not exotic owners. Like we haven’t seen a hybrid or Lexus before?”

Big tips were cited as the most common perk on the job, in addition to driving the latest cars. Surprisingly, however, the big tips don’t come just from owners of expensive cars, they come from the average Joe (so to speak) who simply wants a front-and-center parking space.

Bednarz mentioned a rather unique perk that’s likely to be appreciated by fellow Chicagoans:

“I drove [Chicago Bears coach] Lovie Smith’s car. He came in for dinner one winter night, gold Cadillac Escalade, brand new, with a really sweet radar detector on the dash. I didn’t drive it very far, but I still drove it. I also got to shake his hand and say, ‘How are you, coach?'”

Priceless.

The Top 10s
We barraged local restaurants to create an unscientific poll of the 10 best and worst cars valets have parked. The best cars are ones we heard mentioned more than once — the Cadillac Escalade got as many as four mentions — while the worst cars include a brief explanation of why the valet thought the car was so horrid.

10 Best (in no particular order)

• Cadillac Escalade
• Bentley Continental GT
• Porsche Carrera GT
• Mercedes-Benz S500
• BMW X5
• BMW 6 Series
• Audi A5/S5
• Lamborghini Diablo
• Ferrari F430
• Aston Martin DB9

10 Worst

• Toyota Tercel — “Full of garbage and dirty diapers.”
• Toyota Celica  — “So cluttered there was no room for anything other than the driver.”
• Jeep Wagoneer woody — “Ugliest SUV in Chicago.”
• Ford Taurus — “Beat down.”
• 1977 Ford Mustang — “Rusty and horribly ugly.”
• 2000 Chevrolet Impala — “Disgusting smell.”
• 1980s Mercedes 300E — “Car full of trash; you could barely get into the driver’s seat with all the clutter.”
• Pontiac Sunfire — “Filthy inside.”
• Chrysler minivans — “Always come in messed-up.”
• Toyota Camry — “So many of them.”