The Detroit News's view

At a glance, the 1996 Chevrolet Impala SS seems like a relic of the Bronze Age, with the girth of a Boblo boat. Little surprise, then, that GM will halt production of the gargantuan rear-drive sedan after this model year. But once you drive it, you may begin to understand why dinosaurs continue to be popular – especially with boys.

She: If you’re a woman, you can stop reading right now. This is a total guy car. There’s nothing delicate about it. In fact, Chevy even brags that the Impala has “a special ride and handling suspension derived from (the) law enforcement package.” What woman would be thrilled by that fact? I have to conclude there are only two types of men who would want this car – younger males who fantasize about playing cop or retirees who don’t shuffle when they walk. By that I mean someone who’s vigorous and active, and doesn’t want to give up the V-8 engine and rear-wheel drive.

He: Let’s see now. I’m not retired yet, although I’ve already started shuffling and I love to play cops. By the way, did you notice that back seat is bigger than the Macomb County jail?

She: Unlike a lot of sedans that seem to fudge on the number of full-size adults that you can cram in, with the Impala, you can easily and comfortably fit six big people. Look at all the rear shoulder room – more than 63 inches! I guess this is one of the reasons the Impala SS has no direct competitors.

He: Actually, you can still get that much room in a Buick Roadmaster, a Ford Crown Victoria or a Mercury Grand Marquis. But none of those cars has the panache or pretension of the Impala, which is really a land yacht that aspires to be a speedboat. The engine is a detuned version of the Corvette V-8, but it still makes 260 horsepower. And the suspension is stiff enough to keep this Baby Huey glued to the pavement when you fling it around a corner at any kind of speed.

She: The car may be glued down, but you won’t be. One of the things I absolutely didn’t like about the Impala was that you don’t feel nestled in the cabin like an egg in a styrofoam carton the way you do in, say, the Ford Taurus. The instrument panel has a lot of old-fashioned straight lines, and there is no sense of warmth and coziness. In that way, it’s very much like a police car. But I’m sure the typical Impala buyer won’t be bugged by that. Anybody who likes that sinister monochromatic paint job, which seems to emphasize the car’s sheer bulk, and the scary spoked alloy wheels with the blackwall tires isn’t going to be worrying about curling up in the cabin.

He: But they’d probably like the way this car handles. The quick-ratio power steering gives the SS a surprisingly snappy feel, and the 3.08:1 axle ratio really powers this monster off the line. You want leather? They got leather – seats and steering wheel. And for the safety-conscious parent who may be drawn to the Impala, there are standard antilock brakes, dual air bags and child-proof rear door locks. What more could you want, dear?

She: A car that’s not too bulky to park. A car that my husband doesn’t tell me, “Don’t take it out in the snow to test drive; it wouldn’t be fair.” Well, you’re right. It makes you think twice about driving in a Michigan snow storm. And even in clear weather, the rear end seemed to have a mind of its own whenever I tried to accelerate too quickly in corners. But it does have something to recommend it. It feels like a bargain. I love to look at a window sticker and see lots of those zeros next to all the standard equipment.

He: There’s a lot of car here for 25 grand, and it’s pretty much fully loaded. We didn’t talk about the gas mileage either, which is shockingly good considering the Impala’s two-ton curb weight and that powerful V-8. The EPA claims you should get up to 25 miles a gallon on the highway. Of course, that’s driving with a feathery touch on the throttle, not your usual lead foot, sweetheart.

She: As if. But if you are t ty e, you’ll be happy to know that the Impala SS is trying to go out with a bang, not a whimper. For the 1996 model year, it gets a tachometer and what we used to call four on the floor, except this transmission is an automatic, not a manual.

He: Okay, forget the handcuffs. All I want for our anniversary is a shiny new Impala SS – and a silver badge.

1996 Chevrolet Impala SS

Type: Front-engine, rear-wheel drive, six-passenger sport sedan.

Price: Base, $24,405; as tested, $25,692 (incl. $590 destination charge).

What’s new for ’96: Floor-mounted shifter, tachometer.

Standard equipment: Air conditioning, leather-wrapped steering wheel, rear-deck spoiler, map pockets, center console with cupholders, leather sport bucket seats, tilt steering column, rear-window defogger, remote keyless entry, theft-deterrent system, intermittent wipers, AM/FM stereo with cassette.

Safety features: Dual air bags, anti-lock brakes, child-proof rear-door locks.

Options on test vehicle: AM/FM stereo with CD player ($155) and Impala SS preferred equipment group ($490) incl. 6-way power seat, passenger automatic day/night rear-view mirror, twilight sentinel headlamp system.

EPA fuel economy: 17 mpg city/25 mpg highway.

Engine: 5.7 liter V-8 SFI engine; 260 hp at 5,000 rpm; 330 lb-ft torque at 2400 rpm.

Transmission: Four-speed automatic.

Competitors: None

Specifications: Wheelbase, 115.9 inches; overall length, 214.1 inches; curb weight, 4036 pounds; legroom, 42.2 inches front; 39.5 inches rear; headroom, 39.2 inches front/37.9 inches rear; shoulder room, 63.4 inches front/63.4 inches rear.

12-month insurance cost: $885

Where built: Arlington, Tx.

AAA Michigan rates based on an average family of four from the Livonia area whose primary driver is aged 40 with no tickets who drives 3-10 miles each way to work. Rates reflect multicar discount and, where appropriate, discounts for air bags and seat belts.