The past week hasn’t seen a lot of positive news for Tesla. Stock prices dipped to a level not seen in years as analysts once strongly bullish on the automaker’s prospects are changing their minds and downgrading their outlook. Meanwhile, what was once a futuristic transportation-system idea is now just another paved underground passage as Musk’s The Boring Co. constructed a tunnel … for cars to drive through … one at a time. And even a $160,000 Tesla vehicle couldn’t get NFL quarterback Blake Bortles to quit chewing tobacco!
Wait, what? We’ll explain.
Outlook Not So Good
Analysts are revising their opinions about Tesla’s long-term future, and it isn’t great. According to a report from Bloomberg, Wedbush analyst Dan Ives — once one of Tesla’s biggest cheerleaders, according to people who will talk to you about this at a bar until you make up an excuse to leave — has revised his targeted stock price from $365 to $275 to $230 a share. The words Ives used aren’t very favorable: He wrote that Tesla is looking at a “Kilimanjaro-like uphill climb” to profitability in the third and fourth quarters of 2019. And as surely as that mountain rises like Olympus above the Serengeti, we’ll be keeping tabs.
It’s … a Tunnel?
Remember Tesla’s “skate” transport vehicles that would whisk multiple vehicles or people along specially constructed tunnels — an idea that was already just a facsimile of public transportation, but less financially accessible? Well, The Boring Co. has now paved that tunnel so a single car can drive from A to B. The promotional video shared on Twitter has a race between two Teslas, one using the tunnel — traffic-free, no pedestrians, no posted speed limits — and the other using surface roads. The Tesla with the clear path reaches its destination first. Who could have predicted such an outcome? (Literally everyone.)
Wanna race? pic.twitter.com/zDNpdsdHaM
— The Boring Company (@boringcompany) May 24, 2019
The potential benefit of such a system of single-vehicle tunnels isn’t clear, though one Twitter user did reply and suggest stringing together a line of cars, with the one at the front pulling all the rest. You know, like … ugh, forget it.
The Boring Co. just received a contract worth more than $48 million to build a roughly mile-long, three-stop loop transit system for the Las Vegas Convention Center, according to Wired. Great.
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In lighter news, current Los Angeles Rams backup quarterback and underrated supporting cast member of “The Good Place” Blake Bortles moved to L.A. from Jacksonville, Fla., and decided it was time to quit chewing tobacco. As he’d always bought the stuff while filling up his car at a gas station, he thought buying a Tesla might help him kick the habit.
Spoiler alert: It didn’t.
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