The Morning Call and Mcall.com's view

Detroit is putting on a brave face, but the Big Three can’t be happy about Japanese automakers entering the full-size SUV market. After all, this is a segment of the U.S. market that isn’t growing.

So, it’s interesting to note that while environmentalists hurl brickbats at American automakers for producing gas-sucking SUVs, Japanese automakers don’t get criticized at all. This is despite the fact that the Japanese are producing new, large SUVs and trucks in impressive numbers.

Take the Nissan Pathfinder Armada.

This super-size SUV uses a new Nissan full-size truck platform that will also be used for the new Nissan Titan full-size pickup. And just like its domestic counterparts, the Armada follows the rules of the segment.

Rule 1: Make it big.

The new Armada is indeed big – bigger than the Ford Expedition, Chevrolet Tahoe, or Toyota Sequoia in wheelbase, overall length, width and height. Everything is oversized, from the door grips and side mirrors to the interior controls. Just try to reach the center of the dashboard let alone the other side of the cabin.

The sheer size allows for three rows of seats, even if that third row is more a torture device than reality. There is seating for up to seven rugrats and their drink boxes and their Nintendos.

Rule 2: Make it powerful.

Like all big SUVs, a rather large V-8 is on hand along with a choice of rear-drive or four-wheel-drive. The all-aluminum 5.6-liter double-overhead-cam V-8 is hitched to a five-speed automatic. This is a smooth, refined powertrain that makes its presence felt when accelerating and not just because of the induction noise. There’s 305 horsepower and 385 foot-pounds of torque, moving as much as 5,327 pounds of metal. It’s faster than it sounds on paper. But Rule 1 (make it big) makes this vehicle cumbersome to maneuver, even though it’s fairly easy to drive overall. Towing capacity is a class-leading 9,100 pounds.

That makes this a fierce road warrior able to pass any vehicle quickly. This fierce quality helps explain the next rule.

Rule 3: Make it ugly.

Like the Hummer H2, the Armada is a cartoon caricature of a vehicle. Its massive slab sides give way to clown-sized fender bulges. Its roof arches back, ending awkwardly over the cargo compartment.

Inside the vehicle, the slab-sided styling continues in a mish-mash of nightmarish plastic that’s intended to look futuristic. The glare from a video screen reminds one that the future includes a sea of buttons and controls that make tuning a radio so involved, you might end up off-roading inadvertently. At least the climate control uses simple twist knobs.

A well-used pre-production vehicle was provided for testing. It rattled with loose trim bits. But that’s because of Rule 4.

Rule 4: Make it ride like a car.

Nissan attempted to make the vehicle less truck-like, endowing the Armada with the firm ride of its sports sedans. That may have brought out the rattles, but it thankfully prevented any Dramamine-required ride motion. Bumps can still bring out some trembling, but it’s minimal. Still, there are SUVs with more absorbent rides.

Rule 5: You want fuel economy? Buy a Sentra.

For toting your two off-spring to school or running to Wegmans, doing so in an Armada is like dressing in a dinner jacket to go to a barbecue. It’s overkill of major proportions. Gas mileage turned out to be about 13 mpg, which included a lot of highway driving. Thankfully, the Armada dines on regular fuel, lots of it.

Rule 6: Keep everyone entertained.

Like an increasing number of family-friendly four-wheel-drive behemoths, the Armada has the usual AM/FM/CD/DVD entertainment systems with wireless headphones. This ensures that no one in the family will talk to each other despite being within a couple feet of one another. There’s even a remote. After all, why actually reach to press the buttons on the DVD player? You might knock over your Big Gulp.

Rule 7: Safe. Of course.

It’s big isn’t it?

Like any vehicle worth its salt these days, the Armada comes with the usual blizzard of safety features, including standard side curtain airbags, stability control, traction control and electronic brakeforce distribution. This ensures that you can stop and steer this leviathan without rolling over. Of course, you may be safe, but the guy in that fuel-efficient hybrid car is dead meat if you hit him.

Rule 8: As you age, you become your parents.

Just as you might have laughed when your parents chose large, clumsy handling, fuel-sucking domestic wagons, now you can emulate them by choosing large, clumsy handling fuel-sucking domestic SUVs.

And it is a domestic SUV. A woman designer from Michigan penned it in San Diego. It was conceived in L.A., engineered in Detroit and built in Mississippi. Compare that to the Dodge Ram pickup or the Chevrolet Silverado pick-up trucks, both built in Mexico.

Rule 9: Price it in the mid-30s.

While a final sticker price was unavailable, the Nissan Pathfinder Armada starts at $33,300 for a rear-drive SE. Add four-wheel-drive and this climbs to $36,100. A full-zoot four-wheel-drive LE tops out at $40,600.

Rule 10: Ignore the tree huggers.

The Armada is certainly up to the full-sized SUV competition in every respect. It’s obscene in its appetite, size and style. Just like any Big Three SUV, it will haul you through snow without having to miss a minute of the latest movie rental from Blockbuster.

And it’s uglier.