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Words you’re most likely to hear when it comes to the 2006 Mercedes-Benz CLS500: What is that?

Or to be more precise: What is THAT??!!

Yup, those are the three words you hear from passersby whose heads snap upon spotting the sleek Mercedes parked on the street, seemingly waiting for its next all-out run around the racetrack.

If you can read lips in the rearview mirror, those also are the words coming from the mouths of shocked fellow motorists who have just watched the CLS500 blow by in full song, opening a 100-yard gap in high-speed traffic in the time it takes to sneeze.

And “What is that?” is what I asked when I heard that Mercedes-Benz was marketing the CLS500 as a “four-door coupe.” Huh? I hate it when auto companies do that.

Coupes have two doors; sedans have four doors, right? That’s what I always was taught.

Mercedes officials patiently explained that the CLS500 does indeed have four lovely doors, but its performance and other characteristics are indicative of classic, sporty coupes in the company’s storied history.

“Oh,” I said. “Is it OK if I forget about all that and just enjoy the car?”

No problem, they cheerfully replied.

And with that, the enjoying began in earnest, because the CLS500 is the kind of machine most often enjoyed by the other half … the other half that can afford the starting price of $64,900. The tester was dressed up to the tune of $72,300, which is definitely not my half.

If I did have $72,300 lying around, it’s hard to imagine spending it on anything more visually appealing. The CLS500 roofline slants back like that of a purpose-built race car. Headlights seem to be permanently pulled back from cutting through the air. An aggressively styled grille features a large M-B logo in the center.

No wonder Motor Trend magazine called it “this summer’s hottest ride in Beverly Hills.”

Let’s get to the basics: It’s a four-passenger car, with a 2-plus-2 layout. That’s nice because you don’t even get to the argument of who gets to sit in the middle of the back seat and get crushed on either side by fellow back-seat passengers.

Standard interior amenities are obscenely luxurious and generous: 10-way power front seats, hand-polished wood trim, leather upholstery, four-zone climate control and on and on … Security/safety features are likewise plentiful, making the CLS500 feel solid as a tank and car-thief-proof (including the engine immobilizer that has put more than a few car boosters behind bars).

All great stuff. But the signature of this car is otherworldly performance. I can’t think of another legitimate reason to buy it.

You aspire to be king of the road? The CLS500 might get you there.

On a Highway 50 run to South Lake Tahoe and back, the tested CLS500 answered every performance question in the affirmative.

Yes, it flattens even the steepest hills. Yes, it can rip through a sharp curve – uphill or downhill – at 60 mph without an inch of body sway. Yes, a mere blip on the accelerator will transport you from a crowd of cars to a lonesome spot far in front of them.

A state-of-the-art, seven-speed automatic gearbox functioned with seamless efficiency. No jolts and smooth as butter, even on hard accelerations from a standing start.

The car was easy to steer, yet it had a weighty firmness on slalom runs. The interior cabin was quiet even when the engine was asked for maximum muscle. Kudos to M-B engineers for making all that happen.

Simply put, the CLS500 and its 5-liter, 302-horsepower V-8 humbled everything in its path. Response was instantaneous, given the maximum 339 foot-pounds of torque coming in as early as 2,700 revolutions per minute. With serious four-wheel, ventilated disc brakes, stops were likewise an experience in instant gratification.

This is a car that performs at such a high level that you literally hate to get out of it – unless you have been on bumpy roads for two hours and taken a beating from the stiff suspension.

One other gripe: I’ve come to expect at least one electronic glitch from a Mercedes-Benz these days, and this one was a false alarm on the tire-pressure warning system. The right front was soft, not ready to expire as indicated. My kingdom for a tire-pressure monitor that can roll with the punches of temperature changes and varying road surfaces.

Otherwise, the car was a blast.

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Mercedes-Benz CLS500 at a glance

Make/model: 2006 Mercedes-Benz CLS500.

Vehicle type: Four-passenger, four-door, rear-drive, luxury sport sedan.

Base price: $64,900 (as tested, 72,300).

EPA fuel economy: 16 miles per gallon city; 22 mpg highway.

Transmission: Seven-speed automatic with overdrive.

Steering: Power-assisted rack and pinion.

Brakes: Power four-wheel, ventilated discs with anti-lock and special braking enhancement features.

Suspension: Independent, four-link on front; independent, multi-link on rear (gas-charged shocks and torsion bar stabilizers front and rear).

Fuel tank: 21.1 gallons.

Interior volume: 104.3 cubic feet.

Cargo volume: 15.9 cubic feet.

Curb weight: 3,992 pounds.

Track: 62.5 inches on front; 63 inches on rear.

Ground clearance: 5.7 inches.

Height: 54.7 inches.

Length: 193 inches.

Wheelbase: 112.4 inches.

Width: 73.7 inches.

Tires: P245/40R18 performance radials on front; P275/35R18 on rear.

Final assembly point: Sindelfingen, Germany.

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About the writer: The Bee’s Mark Glover can be reached at (916) 321-1184 or mglover@sacbee.com.