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THE 1987 Mercury Topaz is a passionless piece of machinery. Itevokes no affection and provokes no anger. It demands nothing and offerslittle in terms of fun.

What we have here is the automotive version of suburbia — asmiling car that has no intention of saying “Hello,” something designedto be more inoffensive than attractive.

When it was introduced in 1983 as a 1984 model, the Topaz had somepersonality. It was a bubble in a sea of square compact cars. Today,surrounded by imitators, it’s just another bubble.

The Topaz’s problem is in its genesis. Its designers at Ford MotorCo. correctly thought that U.S. buyers had grown weary of the boxmobilesthat passed for family cars in the late 1970s. So, they earnestly setabout the business of coming up with a compact that could rise above thecrowd without alienating the mainstream.

They should’ve gone further — as they did later with their Taurus,Sable and Thunderbird Turbo Coupe, cars that make some kind of astatement.

The Topaz says nothing. But it does well what it’s supposed to do: Itstarts, moves, and stops. It gets you and four others from here to therein reasonable comfort. In terms of car-buying choices, you could do muchworse.

Complaint: Totally subjective. This car gives me the blahs.

Praise: Quality craftsmanship, excellent engineering. The Topaz isproof that good quality does not have to be interesting. The car is puttogether well — as well as the best compact cars that Japan has tooffer, and better than some. The four-wheel-drive test model wasvirtually free of squeaks and rattles, even on the ridiculously bumpystreets of downtown Washington.

Kudos to the engineers who came up with the Topaz’s optional on-road,”all-wheel-drive system,” activated by the flip of a switch. Use of thesystem increases traction on slippery streets and highways. But please,please don’t try to run this thing off-road. You’ll break something.

Head-turning quotient: Shades of the AMC Eagle. Yawn.

Ride, acceleration, handling: Decent. The ride comes close toboulevard soft, but stops short of all-out boredom.

Acceleration comes from a beefed-up 2.3-liter, four-cylinder,fuel-injected engine that kicks out 100 hp at 4,600 rpm, good enough toget this 2,600-pound car into highway traffic. But don’t try racinganybody.

The handling is okay. Just don’t make any super-quick turns when thiscar is in its “all-wheel-drive” mode because you’ll make the car shudderand possibly skid.

Sound system: AM/FM stereo radio and cassette by Ford. Good.

Mileage: About 22 per gallon (14.2-gallon tank, 300-mile range),running driver-only and in two-wheel drive most of the time.

Price as tested: $13,330, including $2,639 in options and $398 indestination and delivery charges. Base price on the test model (1987Topaz LS sedan) is $10,293. The fully-optioned dealer’s inventory price,an estimate of the dealer’s cost plus factory-installed options, is$1 1,417.86, according to figures provided by Ford Motor Co.