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WE SELDOM use family names for childhood friends in New Orleans. Wecall them by their personalities.

Li’l Man, for example was exactly that — a tough, muscular littledude more adult than child. Bebejoon (his family called him Baby Junior)was quite different. A whiny, self-centered fellow, he lived up to hismoniker with disgusting regularity.

Nicknames applied to things as well as people, especially if thethings had wheels. Like this week’s test vehicle. Officially, it’scalled the 1987 Dodge 350 LE Ram Wagon. I called it Big Red.

Big Red’s a rugged, broad-shouldered van, capable of carrying 12passengers and hauling trailers of up to 7,500 pounds. It had a huge,greedy engine, the optional 5.9-liter, four-barrel V8. It growls. Havemercy! It growls.

You get the feeling when you’re riding in Big Red that nobody’s gonnamess with you; and in most places, even in Philadelphia and New York,you’re right. Other drivers seem to go out of their way to get out ofyours.

But there’s always some turkey willing to take his chances, like theimpatient driver of a Ford 150 pickup who rear-ended Big Red at astoplight in Northern Virginia.

No sweat. No injuries. Minor damage to the left side of Big Red’srear, steel, chrome-plated, step-up bumper. Major damage to theoffending driver’s ego.

I wish Li’l Man had been there at the mishap. He’d have summed up BigRed’s performance succinctly: “Tough enough, Bro.”

Complaints: Big Red had 10,000 miles on it at time of delivery, somaybe its occasional starting problem indicated a need for service.Maybe. Other Chrysler vehicles I’ve driven exhibited a similarcrank-me-twice trait.

And those center-side passenger doors. What stinker decided tosubstitute two swinging doors for the usual sliding side van door?People invariably close them in the wrong sequence, causing dents andscratches.

Praise: Overall construction and design. Even after 10,000 miles,nearly all of them put on by test drivers determined to find the van’sbreaking point, Big Red held tight. Only a few fit and finish flaws,mostly caused by driver abuse, could be found. An impressive buildingjob on a vehicle this huge.

Several riders and drivers rated Big Red’s general quality andcomfort over that of comparable full-size vans from Ford and GeneralMotors. I agree.

Head-turning quotient: Has the appeal of a favorite old sweater.Homely but not unbecoming. Trustworthy.

Ride, acceleration and handling: Excellent acceleration; and thehandling, particularly in heavy traffic, is surprisingly good for this127-inch-wheelbase behemoth. The ride is very smooth on decent roads,but backseat passengers bounce like basketballs on rough streets.

Sound system: AM/FM stereo radio and cassette, electronic seek andscan, six speakers by Chrysler, very good.

Mileage: Ugh! Ouch! Choke ‘n’ croak! A measly 11 miles to the gallon(35-gallon tank, 385-mile range), combined city/highway, running with 12 occupants and about 400 pounds of luggage, with both front and rear air-conditioning units operating full-blast. (Hmmmph. On second thought,maybe 11 mpg wasn’t so bad after all).

Price: $18,667 as tested including $3,126 in options and a $540destination charge. Dealer’s invoice price as tested is $15,532.25. Baseprice is $15,001; and dealers invoice price on base model is $12,875.85.