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By now you’ve heard that the full-size 2000 Ford Excursion sport-utility vehicle, which goes on sale this month, is somewhat longer than the Queen Mary, slightly taller than Trump Tower and carries a window sticker equal to the balance of payments deficit between Japan and the U.S.

According to safety advocates, when you spot a monster Excursion on the road, pull off the pavement–after having wet your pants in fear–and hide in a culvert to avoid any chance of making contact with a machine so-o-o-o-o big it eats coupes for snacks, sedans for entrees.

According to environmentalists, Excursion’s fuel consumption requires owners to purchase an optional backyard oil well to ensure a steady supply of petroleum.

And in devouring so much fuel, Excursion emissions will mean a thick layer of brown clouds soon will hide our roads, making it impossible to see those in battery-powered cars–both of them.

To all of this we say only: Horsefeathers–though after testing a top-of-the-line Excursion Limited, you might still want to consider that oil well, if the budget allows.

Excursion is a not-for-everyone sport-ute meant to haul large families and large things that smaller vehicles can’t. Only about 50,000 will be built the first year. As a niche vehicle off the F-250, the SUV conversion will mean hefty profits for Ford.

Excursion’s strong point, its huge size, also is what’s drawing criticism.

Built off the same platform as Ford’s F-250 Super Duty pickup, Excursion is 20 inches longer than its Expedition stablemate built off the F-150 platform. Other than a chrome egg-crate grille, Excursion looks much like a 250 with an enclosed cabin.

Excursion doesn’t look so gigantic when pulling a 28-foot, 10,000-pound (maximum towing capacity, about 1,400 pounds more than an Expedition) boat, though after shedding the sea-going cargo, it dwarfs a Volvo station wagon in the parking lot.

It took a 6.8-liter, 310-horsepower V-10 to maneuver this 19-foot, two-wheel-drive Excursion over winding country roads with minimal strain. Not sure if the base 5.4-liter, 255-h.p. would have fared as well.

The fuel tank holds 44 gallons to quench the 255 horses in the base 5.4-liter V-8 and the 310 in the optional 6.8-liter V-10 (standard in 4×4 models) gasoline engines or the 235 in the optional 7.3-liter V-8 diesel. You’ll need every drop.

The government doesn’t require a fuel-economy rating on any machine with a gross vehicle weight in excess of 8,500 pounds, so Excursion has blanks on the window label for city/highway mileage.

Ford estimates that the 5.4-liter will deliver 10 to 11 m.p.g. city/highway, the 6.8-liter 15 to 16 m.p.g., the 7.3-liter turbo diesel 17 to 18 m.p.g., making the turbo diesel the choice to conserve those 44 gallons.

With boat attached, the V-10 performed admirably, which, after all, is why Excursion exists: to provide those who need to tow big, heavy things a big, heavy ve hicle.

Once the boat was unhooked, the V-10 managed twisty, hilly roads without gasping for air. But even without a boat, Excursion isn’t going to scoot from the light.

The laws of physics allow Excursion to step more lively once the weight is in motion, such as when pulling out to pass.

Excursion suspension tends to be firm but has been tweaked to prevent bone-jarring movement on uneven pavement. Handling is surprisingly pleasant. The steering is tuned for low-effort movement to compensate for the size and weight without being so loose you don’t feel in control.

But don’t expect to take a tight corner as nimbly as in a compact Explorer. And the turning radius is, well, let’s just say you’ll need four lanes for a U-turn.

Excursion comes with four-wheel disc brakes with anti-lock. Even with normal braking, you’ll apply the pedal early to account for the added weight.

There will be some who complain Excursion is too big. They probably willb e the owners of little vehicles intimidated by Excursion. In our test drive, Excursion never grabbed another vehicle and slung it from our path.

However, since Excursion is the biggest thing on the road without 18 wheels, Ford engineers created a blocker beam–a tubular steel beam below and behind the front bumper to keep Excursion from riding up and over a smaller vehicle in a rear-end collision.

In back, the standard trailer hitch and associated hardware was designed to sit low to keep vehicles from submarining under Excursion in a rear-end impact.

Ken Timmer, Excursion chief program engineer, said both devices were in the plans at least a year before safety advocates complained small cars come out second best in run-ins with SUVs.

Excursion’s competition is the Chevrolet Suburban, which has had the giant sport-ute market to itself. Ford boasts Excursion is 7.2 inches longer, 3.3 inches wider, up to 6 inches taller and offers a diesel whereas Suburban is awaiting one from Isuzu soon.

Excursion is garageable, Timmer insists, if the garage is at least 20-feet deep and the door at least 7-feet high.

Inside, Excursion boasts three rows of seats to handle eight passengers, nine if you opt for a front bench seat rather than buckets flanking a massive center console with notepad holder, writing top, dual cupholders front and rear and enough room inside for tape/CD/coin holders plus one or two average size women’s purses or the optional six-CD changer.

Entry to the third seat is easy. Press the handle and the second seat-back lowers and the bottom slides forward for wide open entry/exit in back. However, once in the third row, you are directly over the rear axle, putting you in touch with all the road harshness.

Other noteworthy features include a full-size spare inside along the side wall that still allows enough room to slip a 4×8 sheet of plywood inside; folding second and third seats to increase cargo capacity; the third seat on rollers so it can be removed or folded against the back of the second seat for more cargo room; and gobs of room behind the third seat for luggage or golf clubs without removing it.

Other goodies include 10 cupholders, 5 power plugs, 4 coat hooks and a partridge . . . oops . . . second- and third-row reading lamps, rear-cabin audio controls with dual headphone jacks, overhead console with garage-door opener and eyeglass holders and the industry’s best rear hatch/door configuration, thanks to lifting the idea from the GMC Safari mini-van, which, sadly, Chevrolet should have done but didn’t on its 2000 remake of the Suburban.

Like Safari, Excursion comes with a tri-panel access to the cargo hold–a rear glass hatch window that pops open above two Dutch doors that swing open.

Suburban offers two swing-out rear doors with pillars that obstruct rear view and don’t allow a washer/wiper to keep them clean.

For 2000, Suburban will offer an optional hatch lid with a glass window that opens separately to eliminate the limited view/and cleaning problems but will keep pillared swing-out doors that allow consumers to haul such items as long ladders as standard. Why not just have a tri-panel door with the best features of both?

Despite excellent glass hatch visibility, there’s one glaring problem in back on Excursion. It stands so tall we lost sight of a BMW Z-3 that pulled up behind us at the light, which means objects such as pets or kids that are even smaller won’t be seen when you back out of the driveway.

Ford offers a sonar reverse-sensing system on the Windstar mini-van that beeps to warn of objects when backing up. It will be offered on Excursion, but not immediately. If you have kids, you might want to wait for it.

The Limited comes with a wealth of standard equipment, including auxiliary air conditioning for the second and third row of seats, premium cassette stereo with single CD player, illumina ted running boards, front-row leather captain’s chairs with center console, power driver’s seat, power heated mirrors, power side and rear quarter windows, trip computer, chrome bumpers, built-in tow hooks and beige body-side cladding with wheel lip moldings and rocker panel extensions.

Dual air bags are standard with Belt-Minder, which sounds a chime every 30 seconds as a reminder to buckle up.

The Excursion is offered in XLT version that starts at $33,460 for 2WD, $36,775 for 4WD; and top-of-the-line LTD at $37,110 in 2WD, $40,205 for 4WD (part time with push-button, on-the-fly activation).

>> 2000 Ford Excursion Limited Wheelbase: 137 inches Length: 226.7 inches Engine: 6.8-liter, 310-h.p. V-10 Transmission: 4-speed automatic Fuel economy: estimated at 15 m.p.g. city/highway combined. (Government requires no rating on vehicle in excess of 8,500 pounds gross vehicle weight.) Base price: $37,110 Price as tested: $37,996. Includes $290 for heated seats and $595 for V-10. Add $675 for freight. Pluses: Room to hold and haul the entire family and their luggage. Ability to tow a boat that will hold and haul the entire family and their luggage. Rear glass hatch with swing out doors. Easy-to-reach third seat. Offers diesel engine for improved mileage that rival Chevrolet Suburban won’t for 2000. Minuses: A 44 gallon fuel tank is standard for good reason. Fills parking space from paint stripe to paint stripe with little leeway. >>