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THE CAR’S ELECTRONIC voice said: “All systems are functioning. “It was a lie.

The car had stalled.

I rekeyed the ignition. Sputter. Rumble, rumble, rumble, va-va-va, rumble, rumble, va-va-varoom — sort of. And the voice came back: “All systems . . .”

I pressed the accelerator. The car, a turbocharged 1985 Chrysler LeBaron GTS, stalled again.

1985? Yeah, that’s right. It belongs to Patricia O’Shea White, a resident of Bay Ridge, Maryland. Her husband bought the car new. Plunked down $15,000 cold cash. Gave it to her as a birthday gift in March 1985. He could’ve given her a real lemon for a lot less.

The car has been a real headache. Pat White has a bunch of papers and “service” receipts to prove it. The LeBaron has spent an average of three months each year awaiting a fix or being fixed, the service papers and her neighbors say.

The bum car would be bad enough. But Pat White says she’s also gotten the bum’s rush from a company that oughtta know better, a company that nowadays boasts about having a “consumer’s bill of rights.”

Chrysler people disagree. They say they know about “the Patricia White vehicle” and that they’ve spent considerable time and money trying to repair it. But Pat White has “been uncooperative and abusive,” a Chrysler man said.

Pat White has taken the car to three dealerships complaining about the machine. “She’s been thrown out of all three dealerships for screaming and shouting and making a scene,” the Chrysler man said.

Also, said the Chrysler fellow, the LeBaron was poorly maintained and loaded with miles (57,400 at the time I drove it).

Pat White agrees that she’s been less than gentle. “I was angry, and I cursed,” she said. She apologizes to all those she insulted. But she said she still wants a LeBaron that runs without stalling.

This one doesn’t.

Complaints: If the world were a high-speed expressway, Pat White would have no problems with her LeBaron. It runs well at median highway speeds of 65 mph. But, ohhhh, please don’t hang around too long at a traffic light after a fast spin in this one. It’ll sputter and die. It’ll pull the same stalling routine whenever the outside temperature tops 80 degrees.

“It’s been doing that for three years,” said Pat White, a real estate agent. “But the dealers and service people keep telling me that there’s nothing wrong. They say: ‘Look lady, you’ve got 57,000 miles on that car.’ But those miles were put on mostly in the winter, whenever the car was out of the shop.

“Chrysler calls that ‘Quality,’ ” she said.

There are other problems, such as the right power window that has never stayed up or on track.

Praise: The car still looks pretty good after all these years. Hmmm. Maybe it was a sculpture that was never meant to be moved.

Ride, acceleration, handling: Very good, actually. It’s a real road car, when it works. Pat White’s LeBaron is powered by a 2.2 -liter, electronically fuel-injected, turbocharged, 4-cylinder engine rated 146 hp at 5,200 rpm.

Sound system: Six-speaker AM/FM stereo radio and cassette with graphic equalizer, by Chrysler. Very good.

Mileage: About 23 to the gallon (14-gallon tank, estimated 312-mile range, when its moving, on usable volume), mostly highway, driver only, no air.

Total cash payment in 1985: $15,400.

Resale value in good-condition: $7,325, according to the National Automobile Dealer’s Association Used-Car Guide for September 1988.

Consumer note: Vast numbers of car buyers have had lemons — American, Japanese, and some pretty pricey European lemons. Defense: Keep your cool. Keep written records and all receipts. Try to work things out with your dealer and manufacturer. If all fails, consult your local consumer agency for guidance on further action.