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AUTO WRITERS can be like children, cackling and arguing over thesilliest things.

Consider the Cadillac Allante’ commotion.

One group, the Europhiles, sniffs that this expensive offering fromGeneral Motors is not fancy or fast enough to run with upper- seriesMercedes-Benz, Porsche or BMW cars. These mostly born-in-the-USA,went-to-Europe-on-a-junket writers feel compelled to compare allvehicles to what they drove through the Black Forest.

Then, of course, there are the America-Firsters. To them, theAllante’ is not really American. The car’s body is designed and built byPininfarina in Italy, after all. Besides, with its 170-hp engine, theAllante’ can’t outrun a U.S.-made Corvette, right?

All of this goofiness misses the point. Most people don’t buyultra-luxury cars to drive ’em full-tilt-boogie. Who wants to explain a115-mph, joy-toy crash to an insurer? Indeed, after such a smash-up,who’d be able to explain anything?

And forget the “I-bought-it-for-the-quality” junk, and its equallyridiculous counterpart: “I bought it for the resale value.” Superiorautomotive quality — reliability, durability and serviceability –can be had at far less than the cost of most luxury cars, foreign ordomestic.

Resale value? Any first-year business student knows you don’t”invest” big bucks in a machine that sucks air, burns fuel, vibrates,and rolls over hostile roads on a regular basis.

You buy a car like the Allante’ because it makes you feel good allover, because it does wonders for your ego and libido. You buy it forthe Lust Factor, folks. Think of it this way: It beats the heck out ofanalysis.

Complaint: The price. Unjustified, as it tends to be for nearly allluxury cars sold in this country.

Praise: ‘Tis an automotive jewel, a simply elegant machine. From itsCogolo leather interior to its silver metallic body, the 1988 testAllante’, driven on roads outside Montreal, is a work of art.

The car is all the more remarkable because it’s a front-wheel-driveconvertible, a type not especially known for handling excellence or bodyintegrity. But the Allante’ shows supreme grace in movement and style– so quiet, so smooth. The chassis obviously is put together right:The thing doesn’t shake and shimmy on bumpy roads.

Head-turning-quotient: Total knockout, world-class beauty.

Acceleration: Doesn’t match good muscle cars in zero-to-sixty times.But who gives a pa-hooty? What matters is how well the car moves intraffic, how well it accelerates, say, during high-speed lane changes.The Allante’s 4.1-liter, fuel-injected V-8 does quite well, thank you.It develops 170 hp at 4,300 rpm, which means, in terms of speed, adriver can be as big a fool in this car as he can in a more powerfulmachine.

Sound system: Electronic AM/FM stereo radio and cassette, byDelco/Bose. Superb.

Finer points: Despite its eloquent hedonism, the Allante’ hasfeatures that speak to the practical soul. To wit: an excelle nt,third-generation Bosch anti-lock braking system, a generous use oftwo-sided galvanized steel to control body rust, a well-designed,easy-to-read instrument panel, and 10-way-adjustable Recaro seats thatcomfort the body without putting the driver to sleep.

Mileage: About 23 to the gallon (22-gallon tank, estimated 500-milerange on usable volume), running driver only, mostly highway, with topdown.

Price: $54,700. Only available option is a cellular telephone.Nothing “base” about this one. Estimated dealer invoice is $45,948. Avery nice car, but, at the stated selling price, not that nice.