Mother Proof's view

My daughter belly-laughs when I exclaim “Let’s go for a ride in Ms. Fancy Pants”. She (my daughter, not Ms Fancy Pants) is in that sweet stage of memorizing and repeating riddles. She thinks that all of her jokes are really funny and has even tried to make up a few of her own. The phrase “Ms. Fancy Pants” is so funny to her that she spends most of the week trying to incorporate it into her punch lines. She cracks herself up. Her teenaged brother finds this behavior completely annoying, but I encourage her by giggling each time she exclaims “hey Mom, are we going in Ms. Fancy Pants (silly laugh, snigger, snort…)” Sometimes it is so satisfying to harmlessly embarrass and exasperate adolescents.

Jaguar has a reputation for high-brow luxury with a British accent, and this car is no exception. The luxury appointments of the S-Type R are abundant. The twelve-way adjustable seats in my test car are the color of butter and equally as soft. The driver’s seat lowers and recedes to let me get in and out the car more easily. The gray-stained maple trim abounds and is, get this, real wood. Then there is the ease of entry for the kids, no complaints or delays as we embark on our daily travels, priceless. Even the Bluetooth phone system is a predictable luxury that makes us feel fancy (and, oh joy!, my kids get to participate in every phone call I make or receive). Another less exciting feature is unexpected, but thoroughly appreciated. All four windows of the car feature auto-up and down. This simple feature packs a huge punch for me as the chauffeur of small children. I can roll-up kid’s windows after a quick, “put your hands in your laps”, and just a moment of disruption.

The car’s adaptive cruise control offers even more distraction-free driving. I don’t have to be bothered by accelerating, or more importantly, decelerating on the highway. Just steer, baby. I say that sort of tongue-in-cheek, but actually I need this feature to keep me in check because this car is such a rocket! No joke. I normally try to steer (pun intended) away from the technical talk about cars, but on this one it is unavoidable. The R trim level on the Jaguar S-Type has a supercharged giant V8 engine it. The specifications boast that the 400 horsepower engine can get me from 0 to 60 mph in 5.3 seconds. That is really fast. I spend a great deal of time on this test drive keeping one eye on my speedometer and the other on the road ahead looking for Johnny Law. Seriously, the cruise control is a must-have feature.

With all of this luxury and performance I am not entirely sure what the engineers were thinking when they designed other aspects of the car. First off, the cup holders in this car are really horrible. Maybe it is because the car is still manufactured in the UK and they have different sized drink containers (do they really?). I can’t even fit my “grande” coffee in one of the two cup wells. I am not a fan of the massive cup-holders that have evolved because of “biggie” sized drinks, but when a cup holder can’t hold a medium sized coffee or a bottle of water, it is too small. Another area that really seems out of character is the sunglass holder in the headliner. It is so small that I can not fit any of my infinite variety of shades into the slot: not the Paris Hilton-esque big white plastic ones, not the hip aviator ones. It is completely useless.

That brings me to my final complaint, the Sirius Satellite radio. I know, how can I complain about that? Here’s how: This car is priced well within the luxury segment and this radio is reminiscent of the aftermarket stereo I purchased for my college vehicle. The controls reside on a panel no bigger than my cell phone’s display and they are not integrated with the rest of the audio/navigation system. The little tiny panel doesn’t even fit in the space where they put it. The control unit has an ugly black plastic panel surrounding it. The most awful part is that the panel is placed in the area that usually offers a handy little storage pocket under the navigation system and heating controls. For this mommy, great-schlepper-of-gear, this is a crucial omission.

I know that having a Jaguar for a week is a treat, but I can’t help being left with the feeling of wanting just a little more. I think this mostly stems from reality based life as a mom. If I am spending nearly $70,000 on a car, it better not merely meet my expectations. This car gets me from point a to point b very quickly (thankfully, without a speeding ticket). It is well-appointed, but I think it should “wow” me with luxury, pamper me with features, and not ridicule my sensibilities with things that don’t quite fit my needs. Picky, you say? Nah, Ms. Fancy Pants has a reputation to uphold.

*For more information on the Jaguar S-type and its safety features visit Cars.com.

LET’S TALK NUMBERS

LATCH Connectors: 2

Seating Capacity (includes driver): 5

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS THAT COUNT

Storage Compartments (Puny, Fair, Ample, Galore): Ample

Cargo/Trunk Space (Puny, Fair, Ample, Galore): Ample

SENSE AND STYLE

Family Friendly (Not Really, Fair, Great, Excellent): Great

Fun-Factor (None, Some, Good Times, Groove-On): Groove-On