The Fantastic Mr. DeWitt
December 3, 2018
Picture it: Sicily, 1918. Who begins a review with a Golden Girls reference? Me. That???s who. It???s an age reference so that the reader knows I???m a (mostly) adult person who is old enough to remember those kooky gals on the t.v that wasn???t flat. Or, I could be a 25 year old man-child living in my parents??? basement binge-watching ???80s re-runs while lounging on a 1970s couch carelessly eating stale Cheetos and wondering what shall become of my life. But The Facts of Life are on next so life goals don???t particularly matter right now. It???s the internet so you don???t know. You???re just going to have to trust me that I???m not the guy on the couch and I???m pretty o.k. at this adulting thing. But you know what matters right now, my dear readers? Being able to purchase a car from a good dealership. Well, that doesn???t really apply to the aforementioned guy on the couch because he needs to learn that you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have, the facts of life. Speaking of good, Gastonia Dodge is good. Like Friday night pizza and a pint of ice cream while watching Dateline in your jammies good. That means it was really good. From the moment I spoke to Sam I felt like I was more than just a potential sale; more than just dollar signs. I had a budget and needed a reliable used car to sell all my meth. What? Just checking to see if you???re still reading this. I needed a reliable used car to transport me to and fro my responsible and legal job. And to take my miniature primate (child) to school, the park, and various other places children frequent. Sam was personable and genuine. I had visited another dealership the day before and I walked away ashamed and embarrassed of myself and my budget and my fly wasn???t even down nor did I have toilet paper dangling precariously from my foot. I wasn???t treated like a person, I was nothing. But not here. Sam treated me with respect and there was an air of friendliness throughout the entire dealership; it hung in the air like a crisp Lysol scent from a freshly cleaned bathroom. Speaking of bathrooms, you shan???t be treated like fecal matter at this dealership. Sam took the time to listen. Everything about him was genuine from the second he answered the phone until I drove away in my beautiful Jeep. He knew I am a struggling single mother with a budget and he cared. His humor is a wonderful gift and he helped me feel quite at home in the dealership. I imagine if I had friends it would be very much like my time at the dealership. The atmosphere itself is soothing from the warmth of the carpet to the spike of Sam???s hair. All employees there were genuinely friendly. I am repeatedly using the term ???genuine??? because none of the employees were fake like my breasts. What? There you are, you???re still with me. Brad, the finance paperwork man (that???s a technical term) was wonderful as well. The beautiful thing about Brad is that he doesn???t cowpoop. He tells you exactly what the numbers mean and why they are there. Underneath his dealership-issued polo beats a heart of non-cowpoop gold. And so I say to you, my dear readers who are not watching The Facts of Life right now, if you are in the market for a vehicle please consider going to Gastonia Dodge. Sam and Brad were the absolute best and I am so happy. I never thought I could ever own a car that wasn???t around before the invention of the McRib. And now I do. Thank you so much, Sam and Brad.